Short screenplay from the Done Deal "March Madness" contest, March 2009. "The Test" FADE IN: EXT. BAR - NIGHT The kind of dive you'd want to leave the moment you stepped inside, 'cause you got sense. Populated by NAZI BIKERS who'd slit your throat just for fun. INT. BAR - NIGHT Biker conversation consists of acting out violent moves, like "Here's how I punched him in the nuts" and "Here's how I shot him in the head" -- they howl with laughter as they slap each other's backs and smash beer bottles over each other's heads. The door opens and TURK enters. Conversation stops, the Bikers stare at him. Turk looks like one of them, with the leathers and the black Kraut helmet. But the Bikers glance at each other, suspicious. Turk cool-struts up to the bar. The big, ugly, scar-faced BARKEEP leans forward menacingly. TURK H-hello. May I have a beer, please? PIGFACE NAZI BIKER It's a cop! TURK No I'm not! I'm not a cop! I'm a biker! A gold badge clatters on the floor between Turk's feet. TURK That's not mine. Like a wall of leather, Nazi Bikers slowly rise and advance on Turk. Turk frantically looks around -- the exit's already blocked. The Barkeep picks up a baseball bat with six-inch nails driven through it and grins as he taps it against his own palm in anticipation, drawing blood. The Bikers wield lengths of heavy chain, big hunting knives, broken bottles. Turk turns and runs into the men's room, whose symbol is a biker pissing on a whore lying on her back. The door slams shut behind him. The Nazi Bikers stop. They look at each other. They smile. INT. MEN'S ROOM - NIGHT Turk stands panting, expecting the door to burst open. It doesn't. Turk looks around, sees a high window. He jumps up, grabs the window ledge and tries to pull himself up. His boots fail to find purchase. He lets go and drops, defeated. He backs away the length of the room, and takes a run at the wall. He leaps! He grabs! His legs "run" against the wall as he tries to push himself higher. Nope, can't make it. He lets go and drops, exhausted. Turk talks into his jacket sleeve (he's wired). TURK Wild Turkey to Cougar's Lair. The Turkey is blown. Repeat, the Turkey is blown. Request extraction. Come in, over. Is anyone there? Hello? This is Wild Turkey. I'm trapped in the men's room. Mayday, mayday. Turn sticks fingers up his sleeve and pulls out a microphone bud and a length of wire -- the wire is broken, exposing copper. Turk's eyes widen. He's out of radio contact! A toilet flushes. Turk slowly looks round. One of the stall doors is closed. Inside the stall, a giant shadow moves. Leather pants are pulled up. Enormous biker boots are visible under the door. A nude slut magazine falls to the floor, making a squelching noise. Turk looks up. A Nazi helmet sticks up above the door. Whoever's in there is frakkin gigantic. The door opens. The King Kong of Nazi Bikers steps out, buckling his pants. Turk backs into the corner, terrified. King Kong Biker grins at him. KING KONG BIKER Hey, what am I doing? He unbuckles and opens his pants. Turk stares in horror at King Kong Biker's crotch. KING KONG BIKER We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is, you bend over and I make you my bitch. TURK What's the hard way? KING KONG BIKER You don't bend over. TURK Oh God. A giant hand slowly closes around Turk's head and drags him out of shot. INT. MEN'S ROOM - NIGHT Looking at the closed stall door. Shadows move inside. Rythmic pounding. Grunting noises. Whimpering noises. EXT. BAR - NIGHT Cop cars fill the street. Dozens of COPS cheer and clap as Turk staggers out of the bar, looking like a guy who just got turned inside-out by industrial drilling machinery. VARIOUS COPS SHOUTING Here's our boy! He passed the test! They did him good! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo-hoo! You're one of us now! A grinning Cop holds up a pair of wire cutters and mimicks cutting. TURK Son of a bitch! You cut my radio wire! WISE SERGEANT COP moves to stand before Turk. He puts his hand on Turk's shoulder. WISE SERGEANT COP Son, a rookie cop has to learn to stand alone and overcome his fears. Now you fear nothing and no one. TURK That is true. The cheering Cops surround Turk, clapping him on the back. EXT. CITY VISTA - NIGHT A million lights twinkle with possibility. FADE OUT:§