Short screenplay from the Done Deal "Geek" contest,
Feb 2008
"Just Testing"
FADE IN:
INT. WHITE ROOM - DAY
Everything is seen through the LCD viewer of a DV camera.
PENNY, a pretty in pink teenager, sits at a table, chewing
bubble gum.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I'm going to pick a random number
and write it down.
PENNY
Three hundred and seventy-five.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I hadn't written it down yet. It's
important, for the purposes of this
test, that I write it down first.
Penny looks away, miffed.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I'm going to think of another number.
Please don't say anything.
Penny inspects her nails, whatever.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I've picked a random number and
written it down.
Voice of Authority's hand holds up a card so the camera can
see it Penny can't. The number is 101,789
Penny pops her gum, she couldn't care less.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Penny?
PENNY
You told me not to say anything.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Can you guess the number?
PENNY
No.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Are you saying your talent is
intermittent?
PENNY
I don't have to guess, I know what
it is.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I didn't mean to imply you were taking
a wild guess without knowing. It
was only a figure of speech. I
apologize. Can you tell me the number
I've written on this card?
PENNY
(big sigh)
One hundred and one thousand, seven
hundred and eighty-nine.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
That is correct, thank you.
Voice of Authority holds up another card, it shows a blue
triangle.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY
These images--
PENNY
Blue triangle.
Voice of Authority holds up another card, a red square.
PENNY
Red square.
Voice of Authority holds up another card, wavy green lines
inside a purple hexagon.
PENNY
Green waves, purple thing with six
sides. We've done this like, a
thousand times. How many more tests
do you need?
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
All right. Just a couple more.
Voice of Authority slides a sealed brown envelope across the
table. Penny stares at it.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Can you tell me what's inside this?
PENNY
It's a photograph.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Are you able to tell me what it's a
photograph of?
PENNY
A woman. She's worked with you for
two years. You've been screwing her
for the last six months. She says
she's going to leave her husband and
move in with you, but she won't. He
earns four times what you do. She
fakes her orgasm.
Penny giggles. Voice of Authority snatches the envelope
away.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
That's enough! Can we focus, please?
PENNY
(still giggling)
Sorry.
Voice of Authority slides a white envelope across the table.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
What about this one?
PENNY
It's just a bunch of squiggles.
Voice of Authority pushes a notepad and pen across the table.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Can you write them down for me?
PENNY
This is SUCH a waste of time.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
I assure you it serves a useful
purpose. Please.
PENNY
Yeah right.
Penny sighs, opens the notepad and writes. She turns the
notepad round and shoves it back at Voice of Authority.
PENNY
Happy now?
Voice of Authority lifts up the notepad. His hand trembles.
Penny's drawn a vertical column of Chinese ideograms.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY (O.S.)
You understand Chinese? You know
what this says?
PENNY
Well... not really... it's just some
crap about some guy who can read the
President's mind and knows what he's
thinking all the time.
Penny pops her gum.
PENNY
Well duh, it's what you're thinking.
Oh suuuuure, like a Chinese guy can
get that close to the President.
Not unless he's a waiter. Or some
kind of... White House... staff
person... Oh man, like that guy we
saw when we... oh jeez.
POP! Penny's head jerks back, crimson blood spatters the
wall behind her. Penny keels backwards, falls out of sight.
Voice of Authority lowers a silenced pistol.
VOICE OF AUTHORITY
Suspicions about test subject proven
correct. Latent extrasensory powers
were developing at an exponential
rate. Subject has been terminated.
Other students who accompanied her
on the school visit to the White
House will also be tested, but I
think we've found our girl. Tell
our mole he's okay. Till next time.
Freaking espers give me the creeps.
The camera LCD is turned off.
FADE OUT
§