Short screenplay from the Done Deal "March Madness" contest,
March 2007.
"Fish Tails"
FADE IN:
INT. CORAL HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Shaky flippers load a cracked-open revolver. Bullets tumble
to the floor and roll under the bed.
The owner of the shaky flippers, LOUIS, a goldfish, exhales
bubbles and a worried groan.
Louis squeezes right under the bed to get the bullets. His
probing flipper almost touches them--
The door crashes open and two HIT FISH in black Tuxedos aim
their automatics at an apparently empty room.
Louis, under the bed, has a good view of their tails.
Tall Hit Fish swims to the bathroom and looks inside.
TALL HIT FISH
Big Rocco said he'd be here.
SHORT HIT FISH
Maybe we should wait.
TALL HIT FISH
Nah. We gotta try and pick up his
trail again.
SHORT HIT FISH
Let's introduce the girl to Freddy
the Lobster. She'll sing like a
whale when she sees his claws.
TALL HIT FISH
Sounds like a plan!
They put their guns away and turn to leave. A CLICK makes
them freeze. They slowly look back over their shoulders.
Louis "kneels" on the floor, flippers resting on the bed,
holding the big revolver. The barrel shakes.
TALL HIT FISH
Hey Louis. You hiding under the
bed?
SHORT HIT FISH
So not cool.
LOUIS
I got nothing against you guys. I
just want out. You put your hardware
on the floor, you get to swim out of
here alive.
Tall Hit Fish looks under the bed and sees the scattered
bullets. He grins.
TALL HIT FISH
You gotta get yourself an automatic.
I got fifteen slugs in my magazine
and one in the pipe. You got what,
one, two at most?
SHORT HIT FISH
Maybe none.
Both Hit Fish grab for their guns, trying to beat Louis.
The old revolver THUNDERS twice, so fast the shots blend
into reach other. Short and Tall are punched back against
the door frame. Red bloodstains spread across their white
shirts and cloud the water. They float belly up towards the
ceiling, eyeballs white.
INT. CORAL BAR - DAY
MITZI sits alone at the bar, looking unsure of herself instead
of being on the cover of a glossy goldfish magazine where
she belongs.
A SLICK BARRACUDA ambles over and flashes his pointed teeth.
SLICK BARRACUDA
Hey doll, are those scales of yours
sprayed on, or what?
MITZI
Get lost, creep.
SLICK BARRACUDA
Twenty bucks, that's my top offer.
Louis swims up behind the guy, whose eyes bulge because
Louis's pressing something hard into his back, and it ain't
a flipper.
LOUIS
The lady said get lost, creep.
Slick Barracuda gets lost fast.
MITZI
Louis, I didn't think you was gonna
come.
LOUIS
I got held up. Sorry, babe.
MITZI
Are we leaving now? I don't like
this pond.
LOUIS
You and me both. C'mon, grab your
purse.
Louis and Mitzi swim for the exit. But before they get there
BIG ROCCO enters, flanked by two GOONS. They're miniature
sharks in... shark suits.
Big Rocco's thirsty eyes drink in Mitzi's gleaming gold body.
BIG ROCCO
What's the hurry, Louis? You and
the little lady late for an
appointment?
LOUIS
Something like that.
BIG ROCCO
(to Goons)
Go buy the lady a drink, boys. Be
real nice to her. Me and Louis got
some business to discuss.
Louis lets the Goons escort Mitzi to the bar, she looks back,
worried.
Big Rocco and Louis swim over to an empty booth.
LOUIS
Leave her out of this, she doesn't
know what I do.
BIG ROCCO
You don't do much of anything. I
told you to wipe out Sammy the Squid.
What happened?
LOUIS
He had his family with him... the
missus and a bunch of little baby
squids. I couldn't shoot him with
his family watching.
BIG ROCCO
You idiot! They aren't his! Sammy
the Squid's tentacles don't swing
that way. He fooled you good.
Big Rocco pulls out his gun.
BIG ROCCO
Looks like I'll have to do the job
myself.
Big Rocco touches the gun barrel to Louis's head.
BIG ROCCO
After we take care of you and the
little lady, that is.
Louis looks over at the bar -- just as one of the Goon Sharks
swallows Mitzi whole!
LOUIS
Miiiiitttzzzzziiiiiiiii!
SAMMY THE SQUID
Hey, Rocco!
Sammy the Squid comes swimming in like a one-man army, 8
tentacles, 8 blazing guns. He blasts Big Rocco and the two
Goon Sharks. Big Rocco screams as he's totally shredded.
Their riddled corpses float up to the ceiling.
SAMMY THE SQUID
And that's how we do it on the ocean
floor. Hey Louis. I ever see you
again, you're chowder. Capiche?
Sammy the Squid exits like a missile, leaving a black ink
cloud behind.
Louis frantically swims to the Goon Shark who swallowed Mitzi.
Louis sees a SWORDFISH cowering in a corner. He grabs the
Swordfish and uses the guy's sword to cut open the dead Goon
Shark.
Mizti's curled up inside the Goon Shark's stomach, her eyes
closed. Louis pulls her out and shakes her.
LOUIS
Mitzi! MITZI!
Mitzi's eyes open.
MITZI
Oh Louis.
They wrap their flippers around each other.
LOUIS
Come on, babe. Let's blow this joint.
From now on it's just you and me.
Together they swim out into clear blue sea, where they're
eaten by a Giant White shark.
FADE OUT
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